Season 8, Episode 204.
(0:00) Meg Faure: Every parent I’ve ever spoken to has asked some version of the same question: “Why, even when I know what to do, do I still feel like I’m getting it all wrong?” Now, that gap between capability and confidence is exactly what today’s episode is about. I sat down with Sharyn Feldman, a registered psychotherapist and founder of Parent Wellness, and honestly one of the most clear-thinking voices I’ve encountered on what it actually means to feel steady as a parent.
Here is what stopped me in my tracks during our conversation: One, knowing how to do the tasks is not the same as feeling confident. Confidence comes from who you are while you’re doing them. Two, Sharyn talks about moving from “I know” to “I wonder.” That shift—from certainty to curiosity—is where real parenting confidence is built. Three, you are your child’s most important environment. Not your home, not the nursery—you. And that changes everything about how we think about showing up. Four, all those hacks and quick tips on social media? Sharyn calls it “fast food parenting.” Like fast food, it takes the hunger away, but it doesn’t nourish you.
Welcome to Sense by Meg Faure, where we make sense of the science and art of parenting. Parenting is grey, gritty, and beautiful all at once. Today, we are joined by Sharyn Feldman, who is joining us from Canada. She is a registered psychotherapist, the founder of Parent Wellness, and she supports parents in developing emotional regulation and relational awareness. Sharyn, I am really delighted that you’ve joined me today.
(3:01) Sharyn Feldman: I am so grateful and honoured to be here. My path to working with parents really started in education. I always knew I was going to be working with families. I worked with parents in drop-in programs, and as much as I was creating activities for the children, the parents had so many questions about child development. I found that I loved that space “in-between.” I felt like the educators got all the training on child psychology, but parents didn’t. I wanted to fill that gap.
(5:26) Meg Faure: Did you then go on and study psychology?
(5:57) Sharyn Feldman: Exactly. I had my child development background, and then I went back and got my master’s in counselling psychology.
(6:13) Meg Faure: What is psychotherapy? The term gets thrown around a lot. How does it relate to parenting?
(6:51) Sharyn Feldman: Psychotherapy is really just the process of becoming reflective. We all walk around with internal dialogues: “Why does that bother me?” or “Why did I react that way?” I help people develop a relationship with that voice. Parenting is the most transformative opportunity you’ll ever get to develop yourself.
(9:07) Meg Faure: We often become very rudimentary in our focus—sleep, weaning, nappies—and we lose ourselves. I’ve always felt like, can we give parents confidence? But confidence is so much deeper than just knowing how to change a nappy. Could you unpack the difference between capability and confidence?
(10:38) Sharyn Feldman: Capability is knowing the “how-to.” It’s learning the technical steps—how to hold your child, how to feed. That is essential. But confidence is developed differently. It is married to capability, but it comes from knowing what is happening inside of you while you are doing those tasks. It’s noticing your anxiousness, your internal dialogue, and your child’s response. When we reflect on that whole journey, that is where confidence grows.
(14:16) Meg Faure: You mentioned “reflective parenting.” Can you unpack that?
(14:17) Sharyn Feldman: It’s the skill set that allows you to be present with yourself while you are present with your child. It involves slowing down. We are all on a conveyor belt trying to “get through” the day. Reflection is about pausing instead of reacting. It’s staying curious: “I wonder why my child is turning away?” or “I wonder why I feel so nervous?” It’s not about solving it; it’s about noticing it.
(16:11) Meg Faure: You mentioned we are raising adults, not just children. And you are the environment.
(17:04) Sharyn Feldman: You are the environment. We think about baby-proofing the house, but your energetic and emotional state is the environment your child is exposed to regularly. That’s what reflection is—noticing the environment you are, and that your child is experiencing.
(17:40) Meg Faure: I attended a lecture by Dr. Claudia Gold, and she said we want to move parents from “I know” to “I wonder.” The magic happens in being curious.
(18:15) Sharyn Feldman: Before we can be in wonder, we have to be willing. Willingness moves us from certainty to uncertainty. We need a relationship with uncertainty. Many parents are in resistance to it. In my groups, we talk about that resistance. Why are we resisting? Where can we practice being more willing?
(19:30) Meg Faure: You take it a step further—it’s not just being comfortable in the grey, it’s willingly seeking it out. Today’s dose of Sense is brought to you by Parent Sense, the expert-based parenting app. Use code SENSE50 for 50% off. Sharyn, we are no longer in a “village,” so parents end up on social media looking for certainty.
(21:40) Sharyn Feldman: Everywhere you turn, there is this myth that there is a “perfect way.” Everything online is a hack or a quick tip. I call it “fast food parenting.” It’s convenient, but it doesn’t nourish you. Home-cooked parenting—the kind I advocate for—takes time, care, and thought. It’s an experience you have with your child.
(23:50) Meg Faure: I love that. So, your “Parent Confidence Drop-ins.” How do they work?
(24:20) Sharyn Feldman: They were born out of parents saying they couldn’t practice these skills in the “trenches” on their own. We practice being reflective in a group. We do a grounding practice, I bring a teaching, and then we break down real-life situations. It doesn’t matter if the child is six months or four years old; the theme of how you are experiencing your parenthood is the same. It’s about building the “muscle” of reflection.
(27:50) Meg Faure: If someone is listening and they feel like they have it together on the outside but not on the inside, what is one small thing they can do this week?
(28:10) Sharyn Feldman: First, kudos to you for noticing. That is the starting point. My question would be: “Where do you feel confident in your life?” Look at those spaces. What is it about those spaces that brings you confidence? Use that to be curious about yourself.
(29:30) Meg Faure: Sharyn, thank you for carving out this time. You’ve given us an absolute nugget of a resource.
(30:10) Sharyn Feldman: Thank you for having me. It’s been delightful.
(31:00) Meg Faure: Thank you for joining me today. I hope today’s conversation brought you a little more clarity and calm. If you enjoyed the episode, please share it with a friend and subscribe. I’ll be back next week. In the meantime, download the Parent Sense app to take the guesswork out of feeding, sleep, and routines.
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