Article

Balancing Self-Care and Motherhood: Essential Tips for New Moms

Balancing Self-Care and Motherhood:Essential Tips for New Moms S4|EP110

On this week’s episode of *Sense, by Meg Faure*, we delve into the complex and often overlooked realm of motherhood, where balancing self-care and parenting responsibilities intertwine. With expert insights from Tessia Watson, author of “Rejuvenated Moms Make Happy Kids,” listeners are guided through the transformative journey of matrescence—the transition into motherhood.

Introduction to Motherhood and Self-Care

The episode opens with a discussion on the concept of matrescence. Similar to adolescence, this period involves significant physical, emotional, and psychological changes. Meg and Tessia emphasize the importance of recognizing this shift as a pivotal stage in a woman’s life.

Challenges of New Parenthood

Tessia shares personal anecdotes and professional insights into the challenges new mothers face. The focus is on the overwhelming responsibility of motherhood, which often leads to neglect of self-care. Tessia stresses that self-education and setting boundaries are crucial for managing these challenges effectively.

Importance of Self-Care

The core discussion revolves around the necessity of self-care for mothers. Tessia advocates for mothers to prioritize their well-being to better care for their children. In summary, practical tips, such as finding time for personal interests and activities that rejuvenate the spirit, are offered.

Maternity Support and Community

The conversation highlights the benefits of seeking support from maternity nurses or community resources. We discuss how external support can provide mothers with much-needed rest and recovery time-it takes a village to raise a child.

Managing Mum Guilt

The pervasive feeling of guilt that is often experienced by mothers, especially when they take time for themselves, is discussed. Tessia encourages listeners to reframe their thinking to understand that caring for oneself ultimately benefits their children.

Listeners should tune into this episode to gain a deeper understanding of the critical balance between motherhood and personal health. The episode provides practical advice and real-life solutions to common parental challenges but also offers a refreshing perspective on the emotional and psychological aspects of parenting. Whether you’re a new parent or well into the parenting journey, Meg and Tessia’s insights will help you navigate the complexities of motherhood with confidence and grace.

Guests on this show

Rejuvenated Mums Make Happy Kids is Tessia Watson’s debut book. Tessia, born in Paris and of Togolese and Caribbean heritage, has helped many families over the course of her successful career as a childcare pioneer.

A single mother of two young kids, Tessia quickly learnt that parenting is the most amazing experience but can also be unbearably tough without the right support. Recognising her own need, Tessia embarked on a journey to support other mothers and enrich the lives of their children with the creation of ‘Les Petits Bellots’, a bilingual crèche that is free from the obligations that make the traditional UK childcare so inflexible and inaccessible for most parents.

Through this book, Tessia aims to share this philosophy for the benefit of all mothers and their children.

Episode References and Links:

CONNECT WITH Tessia Watson’s

https://tessiawatson.com

CONNECT WITH MEG FAURE

Web: megfaure.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MegFaureOfficial Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/megfaure.sense/

Parent Sense mobile application:
Web: https://parentsense.app/
Download via Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=tech.bitcube.parentsense Download via iOS: https://apps.apple.com/za/app/parent-sense-baby-tracker/id1502973851

I hope you enjoyed this episode of SENSE BY Meg Faure! If you want to support or follow the podcast, here’s how:

Subscribe, or listen on Apple, Google Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts

Leave a 5* rating and review on Apple Podcasts

Follow my social media channels or sign up to my mailing list (link -open in new tab)

For episode feedback & suggestions, or to nominate your self or a friend ti appear as a guest on the show, please email [email protected]

And are there tips that you have, I mean, aside from kind of debunking it, which is what we’ve done, are there any other tips that you have for mums on how not to feel guilty? I mean, or is it just part of the placenta, the guilt is hard to get rid of? I mean, do you have any ideas and tips on that? I think for me, it was self-education and growing as a parent, because the more you know, in terms of the situation or scenarios that, you know, can occur while you’re raising your children, the more you can be in control. Something that I read about in one of your, actually in two of the blogs on your website, is that boundaries are something that you feel is important. Is that something that you could speak to? Children, when they’re very young, they’re not, you know, ready yet to regulate their emotions, you know, and they have the right to say, I’m not happy about that, or I disagree with your, you know, answer.

Do you think that mum guilt is something that’s very tied up in this journey? Welcome to Sense by Meg Fora, the podcast that’s brought to you by ParentSense, the app that takes guesswork out of parenting. If you’re a new parent, then you are in good company. Your host, Meg Fora, is a well-known OT, infant specialist, and the author of eight parenting books.

Each week, we’re going to spend time with new mums and dads, just like you, to chat about the week’s wins, the challenges, and the questions of the moment. Subscribe to the podcast, download the ParentSense app, and catch Meg here every week to make the most of that first year of your little one’s life. And now, meet your host.

Welcome back, mums and dads, to this week’s edition of Sense by Meg Fora. I am Meg Fora, I am your host, and I’m going to come alongside you as we navigate early parenting. As we do each week, we have a guest, and sometimes our guests are new mums, and sometimes they are parenting experts, and sometimes they are mums who have become parenting experts just by nature of the they have been mums, and they have really honed their skills as mums and have got wisdom that they have to share.

And I’m very, very excited today, because we’re going to be talking about a topic that is very close to all of our hearts, and that’s around self-care, and what it is to become a new mum, and how do we lose ourselves along the way, and how can we find ourselves and maintain our own level of self-care through this journey. So, I have asked somebody to come and chat with me today. Her name is Tessia Watson.

She is originally, I’m guessing, born in France by your accent, Tessia, and now lives in the UK in London. And Tessia is an author of a book called Rejuvenated Mums Make Happy Kids. So, Tessia, a massive warm welcome to you today.

Thank you so much, Meg, for having me today. I’m really happy. It’s such a pleasure to be here.

Thank you. I’m so glad you could come along. It is such a massive topic for us.

I think, you know, people talk about this period of life called matricence, which is similar to adolescence, when we move from childhood into adulthood, we go through this period of adolescence, and everyone accepts it because they say there’s going to be behavioural changes, there’s going to be an existential crisis, there’s going to be hormone shifts, and yet nobody really talks about this massive shift from woman into mother, and it’s just this massive period of what we call matricence now. So, we all have varying degrees of crisis during this period, and we all emerge at the end of it or through it, hopefully being really delighted by our journey as being a mum, but also being able to maintain ourselves as a woman. So, it’s a very important topic.

Thank you. So, your book is called, as I said, Rejuvenated Mums Make Happy Kids. It’s available on Amazon, and the book addresses the challenges of parenting, but it also really focuses on the importance of self-care for mums, and you said to me a little earlier that this is really not as much about the little ones as it is about the parents and the mums themselves, and so we’re going to talk a lot about that today, but one of the things we know is, of course, when we take care of ourselves, we’re then better able to take care of our children as well, and so the outcome for our children is a whole lot better.

So, with that in mind, looking through your book, what are some practical tips that you would have for new mums on how to prioritize self-care while caring for their children? Yes. So, too often when, you know, we become, you know, mother, we sometimes just forget about who we truly are. We just have this huge responsibility now, and we just want to do, you know, our best, and sometimes we just don’t know how to do that, so we just, you know, carry on, and just every single day, we’re just making sure that they are, you know, safe, the baby is, you know, comforted, and, you know, we all do that because that’s our duty.

We feel that it’s our job, our responsibility, and it is, but it is as well our responsibility to care for ourselves, and I remember back in the days when I was, you know, raising my first child, I was just so into caring for him that sometimes I didn’t have the time to, or I didn’t take the time of figuring out how to take the time to even have lunch sometimes. I was exhausted because I was waking up, you know, I mean, the baby was, you know, not sleeping well during, you know, overnight, but it was very, very difficult because it was not just having a break every two or three hours, it was really constantly not sleeping through the night. As soon as, you know, I was, you know, putting him down in the cot, my baby was just waking up straight away, and this was all night long for a couple of months, so I’m not going to say, I think it was at least for two full months, and it was very, very wearing, tiring, and during those time, you don’t really exist, you know, you don’t do the, even sometimes the basics, just like eating, and you feel that it’s the way to go, you have to endure what’s happening, and there is no solution, it will pass, you know, it will pass, the baby will start to grow, so it will pass, and it made me realize after a couple of, you know, years raising my two boys, that it doesn’t have to be this way, and when I’ve met my very dear friend, Mathilde, she said that she is a maternity nurse, and it was years after, you know, giving birth, so, and I said to her, what is that, and she said, you know, we come to the house, and we care for the baby while, you know, the mother can get, you know, some sleep, and I was completely, like, in shock, I was like, this exists, like, and you know, it’s because we too often are taught about how to care for the baby, but not how to care for ourselves, it’s something that we have to figure out on our own, and that’s why I decided to share my story.

Yes, when you’re facing a challenge, whatever it is, the solution is out there, this service was out there, but because I didn’t have the awareness, you know, of the fact that my problem can be resolved, I didn’t even, you know, bother to take a second to just, you know, go on Google, do a research, and find out that, you know, someone, you know, can support me, can help me, so that’s one thing that I just want to share today, and in terms of rejuvenation practices, it’s a decision, and this decision, you know, comes through awareness. When you are aware that it’s so vital, you know, important to take care of yourself, then it will be something that you really want to incorporate in your routine, or in your journey as a mother, and when you decide, you just think about what you would love to do. For me, I enjoyed, you know, exercising, so it was something that I really enjoyed, but not at first, because exercising or working out never came to my mind for the first, you know, few years.

It just never came to my mind, like it’s not even a question about thinking about me while I have these babies to, you know, to raise or care for, and that was for me the wrong way to go. I was just not aware that I could, you know, care for them and care for myself, and that’s what I want to encourage mothers today, is to decide on what type of journey they want to experience. So, if they have a baby today now, what do you want your week to look like? Do you want to have an hour, two hour, whatever, you know, how many hours you want per week for you, or you want to spend, you know, 24-7 with the baby? You need to start deciding for yourself on how you want to experience that journey, and not based on what, you know, people say it’s supposed to be or, you know, just, you know, advise you on the way you should, you know, experience it.

So, it’s really important, and if now you come to that conclusion that you really want to have some time for yourself, you want to be there for the baby, but you want to be there for you as well, which is so important, then you decide how it would like. Do you want to have some time to read, you know, maybe because you enjoy that, or to learn something new, or to do some exercise, or to meditate, or to do some yoga? It’s up to you. Whatever, you know, makes you feel new and whole again, it’s the right, you know, rejuvenation practice.

You know, it’s so super interesting, because a lot of what I’m hearing you talk about is you’ve almost got these two opposite pictures of a woman painted when I hear you speak, and the first version that you spoke about, you made a statement like, this too shall pass. I’ve also heard people say, count your blessings, you know, and then I also heard a lot of you were just kind of accepting that that was the way it was, you know, and you didn’t think that there could be a different way. And so the kind of persona around that woman is a woman who’s almost, I don’t want to say as a victim, but she’s not taking control of the situation.

She is going through the motions. And those motions are, I have fallen pregnant, I have wanted this baby, or maybe not either way. And so therefore, I’m the mother and I’m going to do this, you know, and so there’s kind of not a conscious thought process in that it’s more of just a victim, but certainly just a, this is the way it’s going to be.

And then the other persona that you spoke about is the persona where a woman is saying, actually, no, I do still have the ability to make certain choices in this situation. And those choices may include having a maternity nurse or having just a night nurse who will come in and help me at nighttime, or I’m going to prioritize my exercise and self care. And so these kind of almost these two very dichotomous scenarios that we get faced with as a woman.

And I think, I guess it’s moving from the one into the other, that is possibly a very important journey for mums. Yes, I agree. And I love the way you explain that.

I definitely agree with you. And I think the awareness, the more we talk about these kind of things, the more, you know, the first type of mother will start to think more about, you know, what she wants to do and the choices she wants to make regarding motherhood. So I think it’s really important to talk about it.

Yeah. But there will be the mums and there’ll be mums who are listening to this going, okay, so I’m going down the journey of the first mum of just accepting my lot and this is the path that I’ve chosen and I’ve just got to deal with it. And, but I want to move into that other space of having some time for myself and prioritizing myself.

But the chasm in between those two is filled with guilt, which we call mum guilt. And it’s that scenario of if I do start to take time for myself, if I do start to prioritize myself, if I don’t, if the baby’s not just absolutely everything in every single day, who am I failing? Am I failing my baby? And so therefore, if I’m failing, should I be feeling guilty about this? Do you think that mum guilt is something that’s very tied up in this journey? Completely. Right.

Because I felt it as at some point. And even because I created a childcare service and you could notice when the mum are dropping, you know, the children, you have to really reassure them that, you know, what’s what they’re doing because they’re ready. They’re ready because they’re contacting you, you know, and they want to sign up.

So they’re ready. But in a way, they’re like, am I doing this? Is it something that I should do? But it’s great because when they come in and they see the other children happy, you know, safe, having a good time, having fun, you just notice from your own eyes that the child without their parents, you know, he’s happy. He’s enjoying himself.

So what guilt are we talking about here? If your child is happy, safe, and, you know, learning, socializing, and he’s been stimulated as well. What guilt is there? And so that’s that was lovely to see, you know, and you can, you know, see the faces and they’re like, yeah, there’s no it’s in my mind. It’s yes, because it’s the way we’ve been conditioned.

I think it was just a narrative, you know, for years and years. And so naturally, we just think and feel this way. But if we if we start talking about that, and you decide as well, to either trust, you know, a family member to care for your child for a couple of hours, or, you know, you hire someone, you build the trust, and then you will just, you know, see very rapidly that, you know, you have time for yourself and your baby or child is, you know, very, very happy.

It’s it takes a village to raise a child. And this is for a reason that we say that because you can’t replace a two year old, you know, friend, when you your toddler is two years old, he’s, you know, you can’t be another two year old. So the interaction that you know, that everything that you will learn by, you know, interacted with his peers, you can’t provide that I’m sorry.

So the fact that you decide if it’s an option for you, and you like that option to send your child, let’s say for a couple of hours in a in a childcare service, your child will learn, you know, through their peers, you know, being with, you know, other children, and this is something that you can’t provide. So and they’re happy there. So the guilt is not justified.

Yeah, 100% agree with you. And you know, I think it’s quite interesting, because you get mums who need to return to work. And for them, in some ways, there’s guilt about returning to work.

But there’s not guilt about choosing childcare, because they don’t have a choice, they are going they’re returning to work, they need to be financially active or economically active. And so therefore, childcare is part of the equation. And then you get mums who choose to stay at home and to be the primary caregiver with their little one.

And they definitely have a much higher level of guilt about choosing external childcare. And the reason is that there’s a sense of what you’ve chosen to be at home, which, you know, some people might think, oh, well, that’s, you know, a life of leisure, which of course, we know it completely is absolutely not, but you’ve chosen to be at home. So then you must actually take care of your child and wasting money on childcare, when you should be looking after your child so that you can go and do gym or go and you know, whatever it is, you know, you should feel guilty about and I think for those mums who’ve chosen to be the primary caregiver, there’s this real guilt around actually, I don’t have any other choice but to be there 100%.

And what I’m hearing you say, is that those mums can choose to have childcare to have some respite, because in centuries gone by, that baby would have been raised by a village, it would never have been raised by a mum on her own. Of course not. And I remember before being a mother, I was, you know, working full time.

And I was, you know, going to the gym, because there was a gym, you know, in the building. So I was working, and I was taking care as well of myself, I was doing things that I enjoy doing. So why now that I decided that to be a stay at home mum, I can’t do anything else about, you know, the thing that I love of my hobbies, just because now you’re a full time mum.

Yeah, but I was a full time, you know, worker, and I was still doing things that I enjoy doing. So I think there’s, there’s, there’s here a lack of awareness. And there’s some ignorance here that you, you can be who you truly are, and be a great mum at the same time, you know? Absolutely.

And are there tips that you have? I mean, aside from kind of debunking it, which is what we’ve done, are there any other tips that you have for mums on how not to feel guilty? I mean, or is it just part of the placenta, the guilt is hard to get rid of? I mean, do you have any ideas and tips on that? This episode is brought to us by ParentSense, the all in one baby and parenting app that help you make the most of your baby’s first year. Don’t you wish someone would just tell you everything you need to know about caring for your baby? When to feed them, how to wean them, and why they won’t sleep? ParentSense app is like having a baby expert on your phone guiding you to parent with confidence. Get a flexible routine, daily tips and advice personalised for you and your little one.

Download ParentSense app now from your app store and take the guesswork out of parenting. Do you have any ideas and tips on that? I think for me, it was self-education and growing as a parent. Oh my God, this one is the best, to combat guilt.

Because the more you know, in terms of the situation or scenarios that can occur while you’re raising your children, the more you can be in control, the more you can remain calm. And so when I’m talking more when you are in the role and raising your children, let’s say, and sometimes you have guilt because you didn’t do the right thing, or you thought that you should have handled the situation a bit better, and you feel guilty that you’re not the best mom you could be, whatever, self-education. So it’s all about getting more information, knowledge on how you can raise your children the best way.

And that’s what I did. I absolutely did that. And as an example, I remember I read ahead of time about tantrums and everything, but I really read it.

I really understood that children, you know, went through different, you know, stage of development and it’s part of, you know, their growing experience. So when it happened to me, we were just in the market and suddenly, boom, he started to scream and yelled like the way we know it. And I was like, oh my God, this is happening.

It’s today. I was aware of it such, you know, I’ve read so many books about it at the time. So I was like, okay, I’m completely in control here.

I know exactly what to do and not to do. And so I just remained, you know, absolutely patient, absolutely calm. I was just, you know, talking nicely to my child, explaining that I can’t, you know, give whatever he wanted me to give him.

And I just, you know, remain in control. I didn’t react. I, you know, I was, you had a good parenting moment.

We don’t all have those all the time, but that was a good one. And, and, and I knew that that was, it was a run too, obviously. And I knew that maybe another one will come up, but I was just aware.

And so if you don’t know, and you just, it happens and you start to scream or you even to feel embarrassed or, or whatever, you just can feel that, oh my God, I don’t know how to handle this kind of situations. And so it’s just one example, but the more you learn about, you know, children and, you know, the stage of developments and how you can, you know, be prepared, the less you will, you will make mistakes. You will still do, but you will just, you know, you will be more in control.

You’re going to just know more. Yeah. It’s interesting.

I mean, toddler’s boundaries and temper tantrums is something that I run courses on those, which parents can find inside the ParentSense app. And one of the things, I mean, there are a couple of things that come up through that course. One of them is consistency.

The other one is boundaries. But one of the things is actually to stay in your green brain. So that part of your brain and the cortical part of your brain that is more logical and that can actually work, what we call it working top down.

So you, so you use the cortical part of your brain to feed down to the limbic part of your brain, which is the emotions of your brain or the emotional seat to say, okay, I know that your heart is beating right now. I know that you’re about to flip out. I know that you’re in the middle of a market and there’s a temper tantrum, but you’re going to take a deep breath and you’re going to get down on your little one’s level.

And you’re going to talk to them slowly and you’re going to maintain the boundary, but you’re going to, you know, so it’s all of that type of, um, kind of step-by-step self-talk that I think is what you’re talking about. That, you know, if you’ve equipped yourself on a cortical level, if you’ve read up about it, if you’ve skilled yourself up, then when it, when the moment comes, you’re actually a whole lot better able to deal with it. Definitely.

And you don’t let the circumstances controlling you, you know, you are in control of what’s going on of your inside. Yeah, absolutely. You know, one of the things you mentioned there was, um, that when little one was throwing this temper tantrum, you maintained the boundary of what he couldn’t have at the time, whatever he was throwing the temper tantrum for.

And boundaries are a really big thing. Um, what’s really interesting. And I, and I see this so much in modern cultures is that there’s a sense of my child must always be happy at all costs and everything’s got to go their way in order for them to be happy.

And so if they’re throwing a temper tantrum, they’re clearly unhappy, they’re dysregulated. I need to make it better for them. And so it almost kicks in, in our culture to just give in so that our children are always happy.

And, um, and, you know, and there’s often, you know, discussions had about this around gentle parenting, about permissive parenting, you know, around all these different styles of parenting. But the reality is that little ones do do really well with boundaries. And that’s something that I read about in one of your, actually in two of the blogs on your website, um, is that boundaries are something that you feel is important.

Um, is that something that you could speak to? It’s so important because it’s the way we constructed, you know, um, society, you, you’re not going as an adult to work. And then the person he says, is saying to you, no, I’m not going to hire you. And you’re going to start to scream and then, oh, you know what, I’m going to give you the job.

It doesn’t work that way. So we need to prepare our children. We have to, we have to prepare them to the world, you know, they’re going to live in.

So it’s our responsibility as parents. So children, when they’re really young, they’re not, you know, ready yet to regulate their emotions, you know, and they have the right to say, I’m not happy about that. Or I disagree with your, you know, um, answer.

So it’s the right they have. And at that time, some of them, they can’t, you know, they’re not able to speak. So they can’t tell you, oh, I’m not happy.

They have to scream. So it’s their way to communicate with you. And that’s fine, because that’s the way at the time they can, you know, that’s the only way for them to communicate.

So they’re just sharing with you their preference, which is their right. And you can tell them, I get that. I understand that.

But my decision is, you know, to not give it to you for that reason, whatever is the reason you can explain to your child. And you just keep that, you just keep it, you know, you keep it firm here. And it’s so important, because they understand that they can’t have everything in life.

Otherwise, they will be shocked when the first person out of this environment will say no, they were like, Okay, wait a minute, what’s going on here? Yeah, didn’t go my way. Yes. What’s going on? I’ve never, you know, I’ve never been used to that.

So it’s, it’s our responsibility to make sure that they are prepared. So they’re not, you know, shock when, you know, someone else will say no. And, and, you know, they can properly behave, even if you know, and sometimes it’s the way it is you, you know, get everything in life.

And it’s important for them to know that and to think that, you know, let’s move on. I didn’t get that. It’s okay.

Let’s move on. Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more.

And we go through in the course that I do with moms, I go through what I call the ABC approach, which is acknowledge boundary choice. And that acknowledges Yep, I know this is really hard. And I know that you wanted that.

And, you know, and I love the fact that you say that it is children’s rights to have those opinions and those preferences. That’s their right. You don’t take that away or that emotion, you never take away someone’s emotion.

But there’s the boundary because as you say, life is made up of boundaries. The piece that I add on is the choice piece so that they do have some autonomy so that you can say, well, you can’t do that. But you can either do this or you can do that.

And I always say to moms, make it something that you can live with, you know, whatever one of the choices is actually the direction you wanted them to go in. And then something that they they just wouldn’t go with. And eventually, you know, you kind of get them over the line that way.

But I really love that. You know, I think one of the things that comes up when we having to deal with temper tantrums, or just actually just deal with children in general, is we need to have a huge amount of energy within ourselves to be able to kind of meet the demands of these little human beings. And my heart always goes out to single parents, because instead of being able to share that load, so the two people are having to take care of it, you are completely on your own.

And Tizia, I think that you have single parented your children, your boys, haven’t you? So yeah, I was with my ex partner, up to, I think, five years. So when the first one was five, but, you know, being a single parent is so different from a mother to another mother, okay? I grew up in a broken family, okay? My mom, she was single. But her way of being single was no dad at all, okay? And no support at all.

That is not my case. I’m single, yes, separated from my ex partner, but he’s around. He’s, you know, seeing the boys, he’s, you know, taking the boys a few times during the week, and he’s supporting them as well financially.

So it’s not the same if I have to compare to my mom. So it’s the same in our world today. We have different single mothers, right? So in my, that’s true, I’m alone with them, and I’m the one most, you know, alone with them, because I have them most of the time.

And, but it was, it’s interesting that you’re talking about that, because I’m coming from that type of environment, you know, that’s, you know, the way I’ve been raised as well. So it’s something that, yeah, so it was not, I was not in fear when, you know, it happened to me, because it’s all I knew anyways, from day one. But it’s not the same for other people.

Sometimes it happened to you, and you never grew up in that type of, you know, setup. And it could be that you don’t have the support of your ex, or he’s even not, you know, present. So I can’t talk about that much.

I can talk about that as, you know, a child because I was a child, but I don’t have that type of, you know, completely alone and not having any support at all. But yes, what I want to say is just we were talking about, you know, children having tantrums and everything. And if you don’t care for yourself, if you don’t have those time, you know, where you can connect to your core self and enjoy yourself, you are in a state, you know, of being where when the situation will occur, you will lose it.

We all know how it works emotionally when you’re too exhausted or too tired. So imagine now it’s your day to day life, you know, to to to be exhausted or to be tired. What’s going to happen in terms of the dynamic at home? It will be difficult because you will losing very often scream very often.

And that’s not what you want, neither for your children, neither for yourself. So whatever you are in, whatever the situation is and what you’re experiencing at the time right now, what you need to do if you really don’t know how you can manage that, what I would suggest is to first imagine, imagine yourself being, you know, calm or doing something that you love to do. If you don’t know yet how you can achieve that because you’re too busy or because there is too much on your plate, whatever is the situation.

If let’s say you want to have an hour of yoga, you would love to try. You would love to do that, but it’s impossible in your routine, in your week to just even think about it. Just take the time to just imagine yourself doing yoga, being in a yoga class, let’s say.

And when you do that, you will start to change, you know, the vibration you are in because it feels good. You’re doing something for yourself. You’re doing something that you enjoy doing or enjoying to try at least to do.

And the more you will do that, the more you will attract to you ideas or even circumstances related to yoga. You can bump on a friend and she can start to say, oh, I just tried yoga the other day. It’s lovely.

Maybe you can try and it can be, you know, via Zoom or whatever, and it will be something that could work out for you. I think it’s the best when you have no idea and you feel almost convinced that there is no way for you to take time for yourself. First, imagine then what you would love to do, no matter what it is.

And you will attract it. You will attract it because you will start to feel that it’s something that you love to do and emotions, you know, the direct action. So you will attract ideas or people or you will attract yoga.

Yeah, I absolutely love that. So, I mean, and it’s such a simple tip because it’s what most mums can actually manage to do, which is just imagine it. You can do that.

And, you know, something that’s so interesting in what you said is that when you start to imagine something, aside from maybe attracting it to yourself, you also start to get a level of acceptance that actually that’s an okay thing to do. So that mum guilt that you’re fearing suddenly isn’t that monster in the room anymore. Because one day when you do decide to actually sign up for a class and put your child into childcare or whatever it is, or ask the neighbours to look after them, it’s already something that you’ve envisaged and it’s become part of your internal rhetoric so that you can actually accept it and then go on and do it.

So I love that very small step towards, you know, almost manifesting what you want. But because it’s not only yoga, the solution for you to be in that yoga class will come as well. So a friend, you know, who can, you know, take care of the children or suddenly your cousin, she’s moving into town.

Really? Since when? You know, things will happen for you to be able to experience what you desire. Absolutely. Really, really amazing.

Super tips. I think that this, I mean, and this is such a common scenario that parents always talk about. It’s almost cliched and that’s the whole, you’re sitting on an aeroplane and the air hostess says to you, you know, in her safety briefing, she says, you know, should there be a loss of oxygen? And the oxygen masks fall from the roof.

You take the oxygen mask for yourself first and then only help people next to you like your young children. And of course, as a mum, your first instinct when there’s a oxygen is my child has to be safe and fine. But actually, if you take care of your child, you then are going to be maybe, you know, have hypoxia, not be able to take care of them because you pass out because of the lack of oxygen.

And so it is the scenario that you always need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your children. And I think it’s such an important scenario and has been the theme of everything we’ve spoken about today really is that it does need to start with you. As much as you might feel the mum guilt, you do need to move forward and take care of yourself in order to take care of your child.

And in order to stay in your green brain, manage those temper tantrums and actually be a better parent to them. Yes, no, I definitely agree. I love this example.

And I always share this example because it makes sense. You can’t take care of them if you are suffocating or, you know, you’re not breathing anymore. So I just strongly believe and it’s the truth that when a parent, you know, is relaxed and well rested, happy, you became the optimal parent, obviously, to raise happy, healthy children.

So you said it perfectly. It starts with you. So some people that just, you know, and I did that.

I remember you have the baby and you just think, oh, my God, how I’m going to be the best mother ever. You start to, you know, read lots of books and, you know, tips on raising children. But it starts with you to provide the best education ever.

It’s through anyway, the children are learning through imitation, right? By modeling you. So if they are seeing a well balanced mother, very happy, taking care of herself, you know, doing the thing that she likes to do, being an absolutely beautiful, you know, caring mom, being there for the children as well. That’s enough.

That’s, you know, exactly the perfect, you know, recipe to raise striving, happy and healthy children. Absolutely. I love that.

There’s been so much wisdom today, Tezia, and I so appreciate your time. If moms want to get hold of you, well, first of all, they can get your book, which is Rejuvenated Moms Make Happy Kids, which is on Amazon. And that’s, of course, what we’ve been talking about today.

Do you have a website or social media handles that you’d like to mention? Yes. So at teziawatson.com, that’s my website, or on social media, teziawatson. They can find me or ask questions and I will be happy to serve.

Excellent. Well, it’s been absolutely wonderful having you today. Thank you for making the time and for all of the wisdom that you’ve brought today.

I really do appreciate it. Thank you so much, Meg. I’m so grateful.

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks to everyone who joined us.

We will see you the same time next week. Until then, download ParentSense app and take the guesswork out of parenting.

Meg faure

Meg Faure

Hi, I’m Meg Faure. I am an Occupational Therapist and the founder of Parent Sense. My ‘why’ is to support parents like you and help you to make the most of your parenting journey. Over the last 25 years, I’ve worked with thousands of babies, and I’ve come to understand that what works for fussy babies works just as well for all babies, worldwide.