Expecting Again:Navigating Pregnancy,Motherhood & Family Balance S4|EP107

Expecting Again:Navigating Pregnancy,Motherhood & Family Balance S4|EP107

 

And today we’ve got somebody who is deeply immersed in working with mums and motherhood, but as well she is the mum of two and in fact about to be the mum of three within the next couple of days. And so Julie Mentor, a huge welcome to you. There’s a lot of fear around becoming a slightly older mum that your body is going to struggle far more in the pregnancy.

And I know there are many women who have that experience, but there are also many women who only get to choose pregnancy or fall pregnant later on. And I think hearing all that negativity that just because you’re in your 30s or your mid 30s or your late 30s, you’re doomed to this awful pregnancy is just simply not true. It’s not guaranteed.

So other than psychologically preparing yourself and Terence for baby number three, what else have you guys done practically to actually kind of set things up in your home? Maybe with the siblings, maybe just, you know, what have you packed? What sort of, what do you think covers all prep for you? Welcome to Sense by Meg Fora, the podcast that’s brought to you by ParentSense, the app that takes guesswork out of parenting. If you’re a new parent, then you are in good company. Your host Meg Fora is a well-known OT, infant specialist, and the author of eight parenting books.

Each week, we’re going to spend time with new mums and dads, just like you, to chat about the week’s wins, the challenges, and the questions of the moment. Subscribe to the podcast, download the ParentSense app and Catchmaker every week to make the most of that first year of your little one’s life. And now, meet your host.

Welcome back, mums and dads. This is Sense by Meg Faure and I’m your host, Meg Faure. It is absolutely wonderful to have you join me today.

And as you know, each week we have a guest who joins me. And very often we have an expert who is somebody who is a specialist in some area of early parenting, like maternity or a gynecologist or newborn or education, whatever it is. And then sometimes we have a mum, a seasoned mum.

We actually followed Cassidy and her little one’s life, Max. And if you haven’t listened to that, we followed her for 52 weeks and we really tracked her entire journey. And you could match it up with where you are on your journey with your little one.

So you can go and look out for those podcasts. And today we’ve got kind of a hybrid of the two, because we’ve got somebody who is deeply immersed in working with mums and motherhood. But as well, she is the mum of two and in fact, about to be the mum of three within the next couple of days.

And so Julie Mentor, a huge welcome to you. Thank you so much for having me on, Meg. It really is an absolute pleasure.

Julie and I go back a while. I worked once, I volunteered on a she runs in South Africa, focused very much on motherhood. And she’s also married to Terrence, who’s otherwise known as AfroDaddy, who I’ve done quite a bit of work with over the years and in social media and in media.

We ran a campaign for Woolworths, I think at one point. And he is a very vocal and outspoken dad. So he’s in the dad space and does some wonderful work in that space.

So, I mean, I guess you guys are the uber couple, the mum and the dad representing the mums and the dads. It is such a cliche. Sometimes I’m like, oh, it oozes with cheese as I hear it come back.

But it is true. And that is exactly who we are. And we love that we get to do it.

And it makes for some really interesting dinnertime conversations as we reflect back on our various pieces of work and how they intersect. Yeah. And of course, motherhood and fatherhood is just core to absolutely everything for the future, because we need those relationships to be, we need those individuals to feel OK in order to be able to give into the relationships with each other and also with little ones to protect their future.

And you do have two little ones. You have got a rainbow coloured family, which is amazing. You’ve got two little boys and a little one on the way.

Yeah. So I’ve got Liam. He is 10.

He joined our family through adoption. And then I’ve got Eli, who is eight. And he is our first biological child.

And then, as you said, I am at week 39 of a pregnancy with our little Atalameki, another little boy. So we are going to have a very loud, we already have a loud and busy house. We’re all talkers.

So it’s busy. And we’re about to welcome our third little boy into the mix. It’s so exciting.

I mean, a little boy. How did you feel when you heard his gender? I mean, first of all, that was I mean, first of all, was the pregnancy a surprise or was this very planned? No, so it was it was planned. It was planned.

And we even recorded an entire podcast series about the decision to go for a third called Three’s a Crowd because we were so intrigued about how couples make these decisions. The first child, you either kind of stumble into it or you make a deliberate choice. The second child often follows because you feel the first might be lonely and you think you want to kind of do this again.

But the third child, you know, this in this current kind of, I guess, economic climate or the time that we live, this is quite a big decision. And especially if it’s not if it’s been some time like it has with ours. And so we we have been I’ve known I wanted to have a third child for a while.

Terrence wasn’t as sure. We went back and forth for a long time. And then last year, we started taking this conversation really seriously, plotting out kind of what we were going to regret more, having a child or not having a child.

And we recorded a series of six very, very honest conversations about the pros and the cons and how we thought this would impact our life. And then we decided to give it a go. It didn’t happen.

So our first two children, the story of our first is another one for another day. But we actually didn’t plan to adopt our child or we didn’t and we didn’t plan to have our second child. He was a complete surprise.

Our first two are only 18 months apart. And so this was the first time we were actually making a deliberate decision where we had to kind of give it a go. And I think it relatively it’s, you know, it was a short, short amount of time, about four or five months.

But in the moment, you’re like, hold on a second. This is supposed to, you know, you kind of do the thing you need to do and then you’re pregnant and it doesn’t work like that. That was a bit of an adjustment.

But yeah, so he was, he was, he was planned and very wanted with a little bit of nervous excitement attached to all of that, because we are going in with eyes wide open. But yeah, very, very, very excited that we are going to be expanding and meeting him soon. Oh, it’s really, really wonderful.

And I mean, my story was actually very similar. Interestingly, I had a seven year old and five year old, so not quite as big a gap as yours, which is eight years, you know, that that’s a much bigger gap. And we got to a point where I really wanted a third, similar to you and Terrence.

And Philip said, no, he just doesn’t know. And, you know, it’s quite interesting because I think often when you’ve got a very hands on dad, they almost know how much it takes. And, you know, they, they know they’re going in with eyes wide open and know that this is going to be a massive drain on them because it is like that.

I mean, moms, you kind of, you almost in some ways a little bit, it’s, you know, you know that it’s going to be a lot on your plate, but you don’t have the same level of like, I have a choice not to do this. I mean, maybe it’s something that’s deeply ingrained in us as females. I don’t know.

But for men like Philip was definitely like, I don’t know if I want to do this. I don’t know if I want to double down and invest like I did with the other two. And he’s just like Terrence, an unbelievably incredible father, you know, very hands on.

And so he kind of did the whole, I’m not sure. And so what I did was I said, okay, that’s fine, but I’m not doing contraception anymore. So you can have take responsibility for contraception if you don’t want another one.

And that means you’re going to need to go for the snip now because I’m not, I’m not doing this anymore. And it was when he was faced with that, that he kind of went, okay, hold on. I’m not sure.

And then he spoke to the doctor and he said, look, can I bank? And the doctor said, listen, if you’re thinking of banking, that means you’ve got to go for number three, because like, if it’s there, you know, if the thought is even there, you’re going to regret it if you don’t. And it was kind of like what you said, you know, you regret the things you don’t do and you never regret the things that you do do. And Emily, our third one has been an absolute blessing.

So, and I know yours. Oh, I love hearing that. Thank you.

Yeah. I think, I mean, we’ve spoken quite honestly and publicly about the fact that our transition from one to two children was really intense. Um, we know we had two, two little boys, 18 months apart, both quite neither of them good sleepers.

Our youngest one came after quite, well, it was quite a traumatic end of my pregnancy. And we had a really hard adjustment. He was, you know, struggled with colic and a whole bunch of other things.

It was quite intense. And there was a point in those early years of juggling, we were younger, we were living in an apartment. It was, it was quite intense that it really shook the foundation of our marriage.

Um, and we speak quite openly about that because I think sometimes parenting, you know, is, is associated with the rainbows and roses and all the sweet moments that you see on social media, but it was really, really hard. And so I think for, for Terrence and I, but really from his perspective, uh, you know, wanting to protect this marriage that we’re now we’ll be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary later this year. You know, we’ve really worked very, very hard on, and that it is, there is a risk with everything that comes with the hormones and the journey of pregnancy and the transition of tiny person and sleepless nights that that stability could get rocked again.

And so, you know, thankfully we’ve been able to really talk about it, but I really appreciate how honest he was that it wasn’t really that he didn’t want. And I think it wasn’t that he didn’t want another baby because he’s got, he’s he is an incredible father. He’s got amazing capacity for our children.

Um, but it was really that he, he wanted to protect what was known, what is known, which was the kind of dynamic of the four of us, as opposed to the unknown, which is this kind of decision to move into five. But thankfully we were able to kind of come to the, to the agreement that, you know, even though it had been hectic, our relationship was forged through this fire that has kind of come out in the space of actually being much stronger. And it’s been such a different journey this time around.

It’s been a real joy to share it with him. And we’re really excited to sort of navigate this transition again, with our eyes wide open that we are going to be tired. We’re going to have to put measures in place.

We’re not snapping at each other constantly. Um, we’ve got boys that need to be cared for in a house and a whole bunch of other responsibilities, but we’re also not as stressed about, I think some of the things that we might’ve been stressed about when we were much younger. Yeah.

Um, with two small children. Absolutely. And look, I think your gap is, it always is helpful.

I mean, there’s this conversation I often have with mums around, what’s the best gap. And, you know, there’s, there’s the thought that have it as close together as possible because then you, you, you threw the like really dark time super quickly and you aren’t the other side, which is obviously what you did with your, your first two boys. Um, um, but then there’s the theory of, you know, leave a bigger gap.

It’s kinder on mum, kinder on the relationship and so on. Um, but then the little one kind of grows up almost as an only child in many respects because they don’t have that, you know, brain. So it’s, you know, so there’s lots of debates.

And I think I once read that the ideal gap between children was three and a half years. That was kind of, you know, you’d have enough time to recover your marriage and had enough time to kind of find its feet again. And so there was kind of this theory that, you know, three and a half years was right, but it’s going to be super interesting to see what happens with you.

And I, I mean, I’d love to hear what your thoughts are, you know, later on a few months down the line. Um, so, I mean, but before we get onto kind of a few months down the line, tell us a little bit about what your expectations are around birth now, because there’s one thing it sounds to me that you’ve kind of developed quite realistic expectations to prepare yourself for motherhood and parenthood, but what about the birth? What are you planning? What are you thinking? What are you preparing for? So I am really thrilled with the healthcare provider that I’ve had for the last, I think the last 12 years. Um, I’ve got a wonderful relationship with her.

I’m not always good with, uh, booking regular medical appointments, but I’ve seen her every single year. And so we have a solid relationship. And despite the fact that, uh, my, I said my last pregnancy ended in an emergency cesarean section at 36 weeks, I developed preeclampsia and I was quite unwell for, I was quite unwell for, um, like a few weeks before.

In fact, even from about halfway through my pregnancy, but the symptoms were kind of sporadic and individual. And the whole picture kind of came together around week 34, week 35. And then we got to 36 and I, it was like, he, he really did need to come.

And, um, so it was not, and that was not the birth that I had planned or hoped for. Uh, but it was, it was still looking back. It was as, as beautiful as it could have been in spite of all the kind of chaos and the trauma.

And there, my, my gyne was really kind and accommodating and as much as possible whilst also keeping us safe this time around. And I think, you know, um, through, through my work in the maternal health space and conversations with women and, and with healthcare providers and experts, I, I, I’m hoping for, for VBAC. Okay.

So moms, for those of you who are not familiar with the word VBAC, cause it is a technical word that not everybody’s familiar with, that is stands for vaginal birth after caeser. So you’re going to be going for a vaginal birth after caeser, which moms, you don’t necessarily get the choice to do that. Um, especially if your births are very close together.

So less than 18 months apart, most people will not give you the option of a VBAC and you need to have a really skilled gyne who’s, who is really, um, behind this. So Julie, that’s amazing that that’s what you’re going for. Yeah.

And so it’s been a very carefully monitored pregnancy. Um, and so far I’ve actually just come back from the doctor this morning for my 39 week appointment. Uh, everything’s good.

There’s, you know, so some of the markers of preeclampsia are high blood pressure and protein in your urine. And my blood pressure has been 110 over 70, which is bang on perfect for me the entire way through. And I must say, even from, from having my preeclampsia experience, every time I’ve had to go for my blood pressure, whether it be for an annual checkup or for visiting the doctor for anything else has always caused me to have huge amounts of anxiety.

And they normally have to take the reading about three or four times in order for me to calm down. I think I’ve practiced enough because I’ve seen her enough now that it’s actually just been so, so good. And, um, yeah, no sign of protein.

I had a huge amount of water retention last time, picked up an ex like an excessive amount of weight. I think I dropped the first 10 kgs in about a week or so after having him purely just water. Um, and, and that hasn’t happened this time.

So despite the fact that I was advanced, I was about to say, I mean, I, all women, as they reach that 39 week moment or even 38 weeks, they start to have a little bit of bloating and a little bit of water retention around their face. And if people, people can’t see you cause we’re on a podcast, but you’ve got none of that. You completely glowing.

I saw your photographs of your, um, of your photo shoot, which was utterly magnificent. And I see you still wearing your wedding ring. So my word, you’ve got to 39 weeks, very gracefully.

I am so grateful. And I think, you know, especially because I’m considered now, uh, advanced maternal age, thankfully they don’t say geriatric pregnancy anymore, but I actually turned, I turned 37 at the end of this month. Um, this baby is due just before my birthday and I’ve told him I’m not keen on sharing it.

So he should please choose his own and hopefully before mine. Um, but you know, considering I’m older and I think there’s a lot of fear, uh, around becoming inside the older mom, that your body is going to struggle far more in the pregnancy. And I know there are many women who have that experience, but there are also many women who only get to choose or, you know, choose pregnancy or for pregnant late on.

I think hearing all that negativity that just because you’re in your thirties or your mid thirties or your late thirties, you’re doomed to this awful pregnancy is just simply not true. It’s not guaranteed. I was 28, 20, 29, my first pregnancy, and it was awful.

It was really hard. I am now 36 and I’ve had a really wonderful pregnancy. I’m so, so, so grateful.

Yeah. So everyone’s different. There’s no guarantees.

So you’re preparing for a VBAC, um, and they’ll probably, will they let you go to 41 or do you think they’ll, they’ll let you go to 41? Yeah. So, so as per the discussion today, I will be checked again at 40 weeks on the dots next week. And, uh, but, but based off of today’s exam, we are, he’s, he’s very low.

He’s definitely engaged and I’m feeling it because I am needing to get up to go to the bathroom probably about 20 times a day and at least five times at night. So he is right there in my, in my pelvis. Um, and are you having Braxton Hicks? Yes.

Yes. Which I didn’t experience last time because I didn’t get that far. Uh, and in fact, when I got onto the table today and my gynae put her hands on my abdomen, she’s like, Oh, there we go.

Wow. Look, I feel that Braxton Hicks. And I was like, Oh, that is what I’ve been feeling.

There’s, you know, sort of tightening hard sensation, but I often like, is it the baby pushing out? Cause there’s not much space in there anymore. Um, so yeah, definitely experiencing Braxton Hicks. Um, and so, yeah, the hope is that he will come this week, but if he doesn’t in the 40 week appointment, I will do, um, a membrane, a stretch and sweep of my membranes and, um, which will hopefully be, you know, it’s a form of natural induction, um, and see if that gets things going.

I mean, I probably have about five to seven days from that point because of the previous C-section. Um, she is not keen to augment labor with, uh, doing medical augmentation through like a pitocin or something like that. Um, because there is a, even though the risks are still minor, but it is an increased risk for something called uterine rupture.

If I, if I do, um, have to go on something like pitocin, which just causes forced labor. I had pitocin with my, um, third labor. So my third labor ended up being a cesarean section.

Um, my first two were natural, more vaginal deliveries. And then my third one was supposed to be a vaginal delivery as well, but my, um, my waters had broken. It was a Friday night and we had gone off to go and pick up some takeaways.

And I think it was about 39 weeks and, um, yeah. And suddenly my waters broke in the takeaway, like in, in simply Asia, I was like, oops, okay. I’m running to the car.

I went and sat in the car and I thought, okay, something just happened. You know, did I wet myself or was that it? Um, and then started feeling like the little gashes come. So that happened on the Friday night and by 5.00 PM on the, um, Saturday, I just hadn’t progressed.

And so they, they then had to, and I had had pitocin and yeah, they then had to caesar her, um, caesar me’s and get ems out that way, which, which is what it was. And, you know, and yeah, I’ve always said she marches to her own tune. She does things her way.

Yes. Oh, that’s brilliant. Yeah.

So, so I don’t know, you know, so about 41 weeks, I think it will most likely end up being a cesarean then. And then I, I’m going to have to be at peace with that, but. And you will be at peace with it because you know, your, your mind will be open to, to what comes.

I think so. I think I’ll be quite desperate to evict him before the Easter weekend. Um, I don’t feel like spending Easter weekend in the hospital.

So that’s, that’s the deadline. So other than psychologically, um, preparing yourself and Terrence for baby number three, what else have you guys done practically to actually kind of set things up in your home? Maybe with the siblings, maybe just, you know, what have you packed? What sort of, what do you think covers off prep for you? This episode is brought to us by ParentSense, the all-in-one baby and parenting app that help you make the most of your baby’s first year. Don’t you wish someone would just tell you everything you need to know about caring for your baby, when to feed them, how to wean them and why they won’t sleep? ParentSense app is like having a baby expert on your phone, guiding you to parent with confidence.

Get a flexible routine, daily tips and advice personalized for you and your little one. Download ParentSense app now from your app store and take the guesswork out of parenting. What do you think covers off prep for you? Again, last time I was so underprepared, I ended up going to the hospital with a bag packed of my neighbor who lived in the same apartment block who had a baby six months prior to mine, a baby bag of her son’s things because I had not gotten my act together at all.

It was very distressing, even though it was such a generous, generous thing for her to do. But for me, I was like, I don’t have my own stuff. So I’ve tried to be a lot more organized.

I think, so starting with the boys, it’s been one of the best parts of this pregnancy has been including them in this experience. So when I found out I was pregnant, it was like six o’clock in the morning. I’d woken up, just missed my period, had like a little feeling.

And Terrence and I squealed so loudly that we woke up our eight-year-old. He wasn’t quite 80 then. And he came through and he has been wishing for and begging for a sibling.

He doesn’t want to be the youngest. He quite likes the idea of having a little minion. And so he’s been begging.

A baby has been on his Christmas list for about the last two or three years. So he was overjoyed. And then of course we told his big brother when he woke up.

And so the boys have been very much a part of the journey. They’ve been with us to scan. We have a lot of conversations over dinnertime around like, what do you think? Like, how are you feeling about this change? Trying to prepare their hearts and minds and not kind of put our excitement onto them.

And let them have, just be able to kind of express what they’re anxious about. But so far, they’ve just been, I mean, they know how to work that pram better than I do. It’s been tested.

They are, you know, I get foot massages. And when I was sick in the first trimester, they would bring me tea and they’ve just been so part of it. So that’s been really incredible.

They’ve probably modeled a lot of their behavior on their dad as well, because there’s lots of nurturing. I definitely think so. It’s been very, it’s been probably one of the most beautiful parts of this journey has been witnessing them adjust to life as big brothers.

They’ve got big brother t-shirts and they just feel very cool about it. And then I think, you know, trying to just create, I think, so I sort of, I had, because we weren’t going to have another baby, when we got ready to move into this house a couple of years ago, I donated, I work with a lot of moms who are needing baby things. I donated everything.

I did not have, the only thing I kept was a few of my very precious baby carriers, which I’ve used almost as my own little lending library with my friends as they’ve had babies. They’ve been in and out. Tell me which carriers there are.

Oh, I have a bunch. I really do. So I mean, I’ve got the Ubuntu Baba, I’ve got the Ergos, I’ve got slings and woven wraps.

I’ve got a lovely brand that actually was given to us, sent to us from India called Soul Baby. It’s beautiful. I’ve got a silk woven, I’ve got a lot and I’ve got, of course, a variety.

So you are a baby wearer. Very much so. That is how I’m like, if I’ve got a baby carrier and a boob that works, I’m good.

So, but this is the, I sort of, I think what we’ve realized, maybe it’s again, third child, but also being a bit older, is that you actually realize you don’t need that much. Absolutely. You know, it’s one of the things I always say to moms, please do not buy Adidas tackies for your baby before they are like 12 years old.

They will grow out of them too quickly. So you actually, you know, and I mean, I’ve always spoken about my kind of essential layette list and it included a breast pump, because for me, you just need to know that, you know, if for whatever reason you need it, whether it’s just going out at night or you need a full night’s sleep or your baby is really a little bit fussy and needs a little bit of top ups in the evening and you’re stressed or whatever it is, breast pumps are important. So I’ve always gone for as expensive a breast pump as can possibly be afforded.

So back in the day when I was having kiddies, that was the Medela double electric, which was the big one. And of course, now you’ve got some amazing breast pumps, including the little ones that slip right inside your bra and you don’t even know that you’re wearing them and they’re extracting milk. So that’s a big one.

Another big one for me was the baby carrier. I, at the time, had the BabySense company and used the BabySense sling. More recently, I have used and endorsed the SnuggleRoo carrier, which is amazing.

I don’t know if you’ve seen that, Julie. I don’t think I have. It’s amazing.

So it’s kind of like those soft t-shirt fabric wrap slings, but the wrap slings are complicated and people can’t always get the hang of them. So what it does is it is actually already set up as a wrap that’s already been kind of put together for you and sewed together. You slip it on and the baby fits inside.

It’s absolutely gorgeous. So that’s the SnuggleRoo. So that’s something I always had.

Another thing I always had were dummies. And I’m a big fan of babies being able to self-soothe and self-soothing happens with a dummy or a thumb or your breast. But I think a dummy is a really good strategy as well.

And I’m trying to think what else is important. If you are going to have a it must be able to face rear. So face towards you very importantly, so that you can make eye contact and connect with your little one.

I also always had a t-shirt fabric bottom sheet for the cot. Like that was essential. And the reason for t-shirt fabric bottom sheet is that it’s got a little bit of a softer feel on it and a pile that kind of makes babies feel secure rather than normal cotton.

And I think you can now get them and buy them over the counter. But back in the day, I used to have mine made before each of my babies. Wow.

Okay. I don’t think I’ve got that. I’ve got a bamboo fabric.

Also bamboo is lovely. The bamboo bottom sheets are also great. Yeah.

So if you’ve got that. Then a swaddling blanket. And I do think that the best one is the BabySense Cuddle Wrap, even though I’m not at all involved with the company anymore.

It’s just the right density. It’s the right stretch. It’s a hundred percent cotton.

So I think that’s really essential. And I’m trying to think if there’s anything else, you know, a couple of onesies, a little hat for kangaroo mother care, some little socks. And I think that’s it.

I mean, what else, what else is on your list? Your nappies obviously. And by the way on the nappy front, I mean, I always say you’ve got to have one pack of very expensive nappies and about 15 pack of the cheapest, nastiest nappies for those early days, because they’re going to come straight out of those nappies, out the sides, out the top. And they’re going to be changing them every kind of feed for sure, if not more.

So you don’t want to be spending a fortune and then you keep the good nappies for nighttime. Exactly. I have the same approach.

I did use cloth nappies, the modern cloth nappies with our boys. I didn’t do it for the newborn stage. And I know you’ve got this gorgeous newborn cloth nappies that friends of mine absolutely love, but I did do it when they’re older.

Of course I donated my entire, what I call your nappies, my nappy stash. So I need to be starting from scratch. So I’ve got- Are you going to do cloth nappies? So I’m going to see this time round, as I said, because I don’t, I built up over, when you have two children, 18 months apart, over the sort of three, four years that you’re doing nappies between the two boys, you build up your collection because they are quite pricey individually. And so you buy one or two a month or whatever it was.

And I loved, I had them beautifully kind of color-coded and it was a whole thing. This time round, I’m not saying I’m definitely going to do it, but because I’m starting from scratch and I’m starting with disposals, but I’m very open if I can kind of get my head around to doing it again, because it really wasn’t a stress for us. Yeah, and then I think I have the same principle of a really simple, soft, easy to put on onesies, you know, baby grows, just really, I love a baby and a baby grow.

I have no desire, of course, mums are entitled to whatever they would like to put on their babies, but I never found little jeans or jackets and things very practical. And they’re not fabulous on a sensory level. You know, I mean, I always come back to the sensory, and that’s why I talked about that cotton sheet, because it’s all about the sensory.

So baby wearing, your baby’s up against you, they’re being carried with you, that’s good on a sensory level because of the vestibular system. A baby who is swaddled is good for the sensory system from the perspective of deep pressure and proprioception. And then clothing needs to be super soft and uncomplicated.

And that’s again, the sensory system, the touch system. So very important, I agree with you, definitely no denim jackets, you know, and smart kind of, then even, you know, putting bows around baby’s girl’s heads, like I never got it because in my mind, like just let them be as natural as possible. And I think just from a practical point of view, just some more layers and things you’ve got to put on and off with every nappy change.

I just, I’m not gonna fuss with that. What I have borrowed this time around, the only thing that I have a general sort of cotton, the tendency to be tender around is my lower back. And so I have borrowed a bath stand that I will actually use.

It’s a bath stand with a lovely little pipe that drains into the bath or the sink. Because I remember last time in Miami, my youngest son was a winter baby trying to lug that bath in the water. This one wheels around, and so I won’t have to bend over.

And it’s wonderful for the boys to be able to stand and help. So I borrowed that. But a lot of that, as I said, I’ve borrowed, thrifted, kind of sourced what I’ve needed.

And as I said, I’ve got my carriers. I found, so my breast pump, I breastfed my middle child for, I think I weaned him when he was about 30 months old and I was starting to travel again for work. So, and he was exclusively breastfed for six months.

So that was a really, really wonderful journey. But I’d given everything away. And my handy double electric breast pump was at the back of the cupboard.

And so it’s the one thing I’ve got. So I’ve replaced the front. That is still going strong.

So that was a fabulous investment eight years ago. That’s still going. A friend has gifted me the little cups that go in, the little portable ones as sort of backup, relieving of any kind of engorgement.

So you’re ready. You’re set to go. I think we’re ready.

Yeah, I think we’re ready. Well, I think you’ve got the three most important elements. You have got an open mind, which is probably the number one thing to go into.

You have got the basics in terms of gear and you’ve got a household full of love. And for those three things, Julie, I think you’re going to be fully prepped for this. Of course, the first one, which is having the open mind, means that when curveballs do come and they will, that you will be kind of flexible and able to deal with those.

So yeah, so I just wish you all the best. I’m going to be watching your journey. Julie, where is the best place for people to watch your journey? Is it on the Af donated my entire addy Instagram or on yours? Yeah, so I think, I mean, Terence is just so much better at posting regularly.

And he’s been vlogging the whole journey. And you can find links to our podcast if you want to go back and have your own, listen to how couples make these decisions. Yeah, so Terence’s platform, AfroDaddy, AfroDaddyCT on Instagram and Facebook would be good.

But you’re also very welcome to give me a follow. It’s just JulieMentor, JulieMentor on Instagram. And I’m posting as often as I can.

And yeah, you’ll definitely be updated. That’s wonderful. Well, we will be watching your journey and we’re wishing you all the best.

It is such a special journey. You know that from the first two. But of course, there will be those days of teariness and of breast engorgement and of babies crying.

But you’re going in eyes wide open. So we wish you all the best. Thank you so much.

I really appreciate that. Thanks very much, Julie. Cheers.